And then …
Today I want to share with you an OMG ‘lightbulb moment’ I had in a tapping session for me (yes, I too tap with a professional!). I was feeling totally overwhelmed, trying to juggle the multiple balls I’d thrown up in the air for my business, afraid I was going to drop them all and desperate to find some relief.
Can you relate?
There’s the copy for the new website to write, the new free download, the blogging, the homework for social media training, the talk, the newsletter and all the attendant tech things that freak me out, the launch, the content for the launch, the accounting, the filing – and that’s just for the business! ….. Aaaargh!
I regularly see this level of frustration and overwhelm in my clients too, particularly when they have fears around being successful and becoming more visible (did you see Little Miss Wobble flinch at the mere thought?).
Why do we do this to ourselves?
Many reasons, lots of them completely hidden and most of them about staying small and staying safe.
Before the session, my two favourite theories in my own particular case had been:
- I’m a Gemini and I adore the buzz of keeping multiple things going at once – it’s just the way I’m made!
- If I throw enough balls up in the air and tell myself I’m not allowed to drop ANY of them, then that’s a really good excuse for not completing on any of them – I mean, I’m far too busy, aren’t I? Such a brilliant way to avoid the downsides of both success and failure – if I don’t finish, I can’t be critcised, neither can I be overwhelmed by success.
Hah! The amazing power of my brilliant subconscious mind!
As I blurted out the story of how overwhelmed and busy I was to my colleague, I noticed I was making little scraping gestures with my right hand.
The body remembers
This took me straight back to a place I’ve been soooooo many times before it was getting boring.
Picture 4-year old me wielding a wallpaper scraper, helping my parents strip the room for redecoration.
It was such a thrill for me back then, not only for the rare satisfaction of prising loose a huge piece of wallpaper (I still love that), but also for the unfamiliar yet totally delicious feeling of being praised for what I was doing.
In fact it was such a thrill that I didn’t want it to stop, even though my knees were getting really sore from kneeling.
The next day my left knee was so swollen and painful I was taken to the doctor, who took one look and pronounced ‘This child has housemaid’s knee’.
(This was early 1950s by the way and he was very old – I’m not quite old enough to remember a time when people had housemaids.)
The gift was in the meaning
Now I have re-visited and tapped on this scene so many times in the past that a part of me just wanted give up when I saw it coming up again – for goodness sake, when was it going to stop!
In my adult head, I’d already seen and understood that it was the template for a lifetime of over-doing, over-delivering and over-riding my body’s needs just to get some positive attention.
But this time another layer was about to be revealed by simply asking the 4-year old what meaning she was giving to what was going on in that scene?
She said it meant:
- I’m only lovable when I’m doing what they want
- When I don’t do what they want, they get angry with me
- I must get this right or they’ll be disappointed
(one of my Dad’s favourite phrases was “You’ve missed a bit!”)
And that will mean?
- I’m not lovable and
- They will not love me anymore (terrifying thought for such a small, dependant child) and
- This is the truth – so please don’t scare me by dropping one of those balls!
Wowee, what a revelation!
No wonder I need to override my body and be busy all the time
Yes, a part of me is still trying to recreate that gorgeous feeling of being loved and appreciated for my efforts.
But even more than that, it’s afraid that if I let up for one second, if I let just one of those balls drop, I won’t be lovable and I won’t be loved anymore.
Sheesh! What a relief to be able to see it and give the child some new information:
- That she was always loved anyway, whether she was ‘doing’ or not
- That she deserves to be loved just for being, no strings attached
- That it’s ok, for example, to intentionally let a ball drop
- That it’s ok to accidentally let a ball drop, because that’s how we learn
- That grown-up me can take care of the balls, especially the business balls
- That she can focus on playing now and being a little girl
She seemed very relieved to know this and told me her leg was feeling much better now 🙂
Then she asked if she could be responsible for decorating the balls, and I could be in charge of juggling and maybe occasionally dropping them?
By the end of the session I had a completely different perspective and the sense of overwhelm had lifted. I’m not saying it will never return, I know that it will – and that when it does I’ll be operating from a completely different and more resourceful (adult) space!
Now it’s your turn
Do you have a ‘Little Miss Wobble’, a younger part of you that gets scared when you try to step up in your business? Had any similar ‘aha’ moments with her? What triggered the new awareness and what did you do with the new information?
We’d love to know. Please share in the comments section below.
Skilful questioning from a professional guided me through this process to the new perspectives and insights I needed. It can be difficult, if not impossible, to get there by ourselves because our own ‘stuff’ is so close to our face we can’t see it.
If you need some help getting 4-year old you out of your business, go here now to apply for a free half-hour Discovery Session and let me help you find out what she’s afraid of. It’s completely free of charge and without obligation – and you’ve nothing to lose but your blocks.
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