Or is it ….?

By the time most of my clients come to me they already suspect something is holding them back from being more visible, whether online or offline, even though it’s clearly their time to shine.

Many of them justify their habit of hiding out with phrases like ‘I’m not ready yet’ or ‘I don’t know enough yet’ or ‘no-one will pay me for this’ or ‘……’ fill in the blank.

But for a few there’s something more subtle going on. There’s a part of them that does not feel safe to acknowledge their gifts … because that would mean standing out and shining. And ‘They’ wouldn’t like it! Shy woman - time to shine

 

So who are ‘They’?

In childhood ’They’ might be:

  • A ‘difficult’ sibling who needs to be centre stage to be kept on an even keel
  • A sibling with learning difficulties, whose smallest achievement attracts huge amounts of praise as though they’re the cleverest person in the world
  • Or simply a less able sibling with an over-anxious or over-protective parent

All of which is painful for the one not being acknowledged. Nothing they ever do is enough to earn that lovely warm shower of praise and approval from the parents. Which doesn’t feel fair and can lead to a lot of anger and resentment, and ultimately be very discouraging and damaging to self-esteem.

Meaning is everything

As in every area of life, it’s not what actually happens to us that really counts so much as the meaning we give to it at the time that it happens. Those meanings then become our truth and we create our lives from those templates and through those filters.

So the unacknowledged child might conclude that:

  • ‘Allowing myself to shine hurts other people – I mustn’t do it’ – and as an adult unconsciously refuses to shine. Or that
  • ‘I should always put others’ feelings first and I don’t deserve to be praised’ – and the adult feels uncomfortable receiving recognition and brushes it off. Or that
  • ’I’m always last in line, I’ll never be centre stage and I just have to get used to it’ (which is a great vibration to be sending out into the Field in Law of Attraction terms!). Or that
  • ‘What’s the point, no-one ever notices what I do anyway’. Or that
  • ‘I’ll be a target for their envy, they’ll try and shoot me down, it’s safer to dampen down and not shine my light’
Any of these beliefs resonating with you?

And if so, do you see how they could be running in the background right now and holding you back from showing up 100% in your business and life?

It’s a bummer, hey?

Awareness is the first step to freedom

If you believe this could be you, awareness itself is the first step to freedom. And it’s rarely enough to free yourself from those old habits of thinking and feeling. You’ll likely need to do some clearing work to re-programme yourself for success – which inevitably involves more shining.

Over to you – is it your time to shine?

What do you notice when you consider this? What are the downsides to shining, being more visible and being successful, either for you or someone you care about?

Please share with us in the Comments below.

Want help uncovering hidden blocks to shining?

Go here now and apply for one of the limited number of free Discovery Clarity Action Sessions I offer each month:

Apply for a free Discovery Session here

In this valuable session I’ll lead you through a series of simple exercises to get to the roots of your resistance to shining and help you devise a plan to clear it.

The session is completely free of charge and without obligation – so you have nothing to lose but your blocks 🙂

Here’s to you shining!

20 comments on “It’s your time to shine”

  1. Linda, I discovered over the years that there were many more reasons to hide out than I had been aware of. Coming out of hiding meant dealing with thoughts about how I would come across and other performance issues. Thinking about how I looked, appeared and sounded made everything worse. What worked eventually was letting go of worrying about me and focusing on serving the people or person in front of me. We all have our reasons, and moving past them comes with practice and acceptance. We are all human. Thanks for bringing this topic up.
    Miriam Linderman recently posted…Coaching Schools, Please Prepare UsMy Profile

  2. I’m not sure that all parents really understand how influential their behaviours are in shaping their children emerge in the world. I was very fortunate that mine actively encouraged us to ‘put ourselves out there’ and I’ve tried to do the same withy kids who are now willing to put themselves forward for what they want.

  3. So true Linda! A unholy host of memories of my younger sister being a very tricky customer and my siblings and I tiptoeing around her moods. Hadn’t thought as that as a source of blocks, thank you as always 🙂

  4. Really interesting blog Linda with some thought provoking comments.

    It was fabulous to meet you on Saturday and thank you very much for sitting down and helping me to get clarity. That was so kind especially at the end of a long day.

  5. Hmm lots of food for thought Linda.
    I know some of my fears about visibility go back to my Yorkshire roots – ‘we don’t do that sort of thing here/people like us don’t stand out’
    I’m working on it & still a work in progress & what has also helped, as Miriam says is understanding that it’s not about me, it’s all about those I’m helping.
    Thanks you
    Lesley Pyne recently posted…Taking time out to be grateful for what we haveMy Profile

  6. For me learning to speak out and shine is a work in progress, especially as schooling and society teaches us to blend in, conform and if you do speak out you may be deemed as provocative or a trouble maker!

    But I have learnt that when you do speak out, people follow your lead and realise it’s safe for them to do so too. Fab post Linda thank you

  7. Such a rich and thought-provoking blog – thank you Linda. Having worked with you, I know too well how many unconscious hiders I was unknowingly concealing!

    Now they are all learning to get more comfortable with being seen – and like Miriam, I’ve found that it’s been helpful to focus on being the person that is there for someone who I can help – but there are still times when the messages from the past still shout out to me. Thanks to you though, I now know that they are there, I hear them and I choose to trust my higher self and move ahead anyway… one step at a time!
    Helen Rebello recently posted…What A Soup Carton Taught Me About The Power of MeditationMy Profile

  8. Really interesting and helpful post Linda.
    I was told by my teacher in Primary 7 (age 10) that I had been ‘hiding my light under a bushel’. This has stuck in my mind for almost 50 years as I have tried to really let myself shine and found I was holding back.
    Now that you mention it, perhaps it could be connected with having an older sister who was jealous of me and who often told me I was attention seeking whenever I took the limelight. My family were also not the sort to encourage too much self expression. Scottish culture had a tendency to frown at those who thought too much of themselves!

    And in adult life I have had the experience of putting myself out there and being batted down again – always a feeling I had better not over reach myself.

    This has opened up an interesting line of thought – thank you!

    • Wow, some great insights there Kate, and some really powerful subconscious reasons to keep dimming your light!

      I know just what you mean about Scottish culture too – I inherited the Yorkshire version which basically says ‘Don’t blow your own trumpet, you’ll only get too big for your boots’ 🙂

      Definitely time to challenge all that old programming!

      PS: Sorry for the delayed response – got diverted for a few weeks by a family crisis
      Linda Anderson recently posted…What if they don’t get results?My Profile

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