A powerful way to handle the Mean Little Voice in your head
‘Who DO you think you are? You’re not good enough. No-one will want to buy from you. You’re such a fraud. Why are you even bothering?’
Do you have a mean Little Voice that pipes up in your head whenever you’re about to do something new, like publishing a sales page or launching a new programme?
Have you noticed that it’s at its loudest and most insistent when you’re
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doing something that really matters to you? (Note to self: that’s a juicy topic for a whole other blog 🙂 )
You know the Voice makes no sense logically and what it’s saying is a load of old BS (Belief Systems), but emotionally it feels like it’s telling you the truth.
So you go into battle with yourself
You’ve tried ignoring it but that doesn’t work, it just won’t go away.
You’ve tried arguing with it but that doesn’t work either. ‘Oh no’ it says, ‘that’s not right for you, you’re not ready yet. Or good enough yet. Or experienced enough yet. Or […whatever…] enough yet’.
You’ve tried sacking it and sending it away but the truth is, you can’t sack a part of yourself. And actually you wouldn’t dream of doing so if you knew how valuable it was for you.
Sometimes you’ve been brave and stood up to it – felt the fear and done it anyway. Which is one huge energy-suck and not much fun in the long term. Been there, got the tee-shirt.
It’s so frustrating, I know
Like a race-horse at the starting gate you’re all gingered up, excited for what’s to come and raring to go.
But the gate goes up and you just stand there, paralysed by the ‘Who do you think you are?’ Voice.
And the fact that you’re just standing there gives the Voice even more ammunition to fire at you to make sure you’re immobilised, which only ramps up the internal battle with yourself.
What a tragic waste of time and energy! And self-confidence and motivation.
What if there’s another way?
If ignoring the Voice doesn’t work, and if telling it to go away and leave you alone doesn’t work, and arguing with it doesn’t work either, what the bleep can you do about it?
The answer is completely counter-intuitive, beautifully simply – and it works!
Time and again I’ve seen my clients experience huge improvements in self-confidence and take massive leaps forwards in the growth of their business, once they get a handle on this process.
Are you ready for it? Here it is …
Listen to that Voice and befriend it
And by that I don’t mean buy into what it’s saying, but rather listen to it carefully, give it your full attention and let it know you’re willing to listen now.
It will likely be surprised and also very relieved, because being heard by you is what it’s been craving all along.
Say to it ‘I hear you telling me that I’m not good enough and no-one will want to buy from me, and I’m curious to know, why are you telling me that?’
Listen carefully to the response. Initially it might say ‘Because it’s true!’
Rinse and repeat. ‘Thank you for telling me that, and I’d love to understand, why are you telling me that?’
Keep reflecting back and repeating the question until you get to its positive intention for you – and I guarantee you there will be a positive intent hidden in there somewhere.
Often it’s trying to protect us from the disappointment of trying something new and failing.
Or even from trying something new and succeeding, and then finding ourselves overworked and overwhelmed or a target for criticism or envy.
Don’t go too fast
Once you get to its positive intention, be respectful and don’t appear to be making it ‘wrong’.
Acknowledge that it’s been working very hard to support you in the best way it knew how – it was just doing so based on mistaken meanings given to events and experiences you had as a Little Being, newly arrived on the planet, trying to make sense of a confusing world.
Above all be kind
Be kind and appreciative of its efforts to protect you and explain patiently the situation now, as you might explain to a child.
For example, ‘Protecting me from disappointment by stopping me from trying something and failing, actually guarantees failure and disappointment for me. Far better to try and fail than never to have tried at all.’
Then you can negotiate a creative new way for that part to support you going forwards. Or even give it permission to go off and play, which is what children are meant to be doing, not getting involved in running your business.
Change the way you operate
Compassion and respect for the Voices (we all have a collection of them) is one of the first things I teach my clients.
It may be a while before they can stand back from reactive patterns and actually have a conversation with the Voices, but once they ‘get’ this, they begin to experience powerful shifts.
Be kind to the Voices, listen to their concerns and give them the new information they need, and they’ll willingly transform into your biggest cheerleaders, encouraging you to push out the edges of your comfort zone, take the risk of trying new things, and expand into more of what’s possible for you and your business.
When that happens, you’ll have a new-found focus with all your energy moving you forwards in the direction that you actually want to go with ease and flow.
Phew, what a relief that will be!
Over to you now
Do you have any tips for handling the negative Voice that tells you why things won’t work for you and why you shouldn’t be doing them?
Perhaps you’ve been in battle with it, or trying to sack it?
If so, how has that been working for you?
We’d love to hear from you – please share your tips and feedback in the Comments below.
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